Bottoms up.

Am I as unique as I perceive myself to be?

I really wonder about a thing like that.

Of course we all wish to be thought of as unique individuals, but dare I say it, it certainly doesn’t look like we all are distinct people.

Other people just seem really homogenous. They think the same way, talk the same way, act the same way.

Even those people who pretend to be "punk" conform to a certain dress code, taste in music, so on.

And yes, everyone must conform in some way, but why is it that everybody seems to overdo it?

I feel…

Pathetic for taking pride in the fact that I feel different from other people.

Even more pathetic when I think about how sometimes I’ll stop enjoying a thing when people I don’t particularly like profess that they take pleasure in that same thing.

I can’t help it—I instantly lose my enthusiasm and rationalize why I’ve stopped liking the thing ("Oh, it was trite and not that interesting anyhow…").

The real reason: "That bastard over there likes it, and he sucks."

Taking it some points further (that is, I’m skipping the bridging part), swear to god, I’m becoming a solipsist, as self-centered and egotistic as that may sound.

"TAURUS

As a sign about 36 times more likely to do crossword puzzles, you get both flack and awe. Flack for being a nerd and awe for being able to solve them, often in ballpoint pen. This flack and awe is a good thing as it weeds out all the signs that only want flash and glamour 24-7. Sure some other signs can keep up the facade for longer, but eventually, we all become a bit boring. When the older boring you gets going, you have a lot more wiles to back you up. Translation: you get way cooler as you age. Lucky you! Saturn says you’ll be getting older everyday."

You know what the funny thing is? I love crosswords. A horoscope…eerily correct…wonder of all wonders.

In another installment of things I wish I were doing but am not…

I’d like to melt into the floor.

Disappear, take a break, be able to step back and try to remember what’s going on in the big picture.

Much like a Monet, here up close everything is just blob this and blob that.

A good dose of clarity would be nice now, but I’m better off expecting the unexpected.

God, why do you always have to expect the unexpected?

I have a really hard time expressing myself.

Or, you know, I get the typical "know the right thing to say after the moment has passed" syndrome.

I guess what I really need right now is the right person to talk to.

But, for this reason and that reason, I’m not even going to try and find one.

I shouldn’t be complaining then, should I?

But hey, at least I’m aware of when I need to shut up.

Some people…yeesh.

The time right before I fall asleep is really, really nice.

It’s when I think.

I get lots of good ideas and vivid images brewing in my mind.

Right before I fall asleep is when things seem the most clear.

That’s when I just get everything off my chest and sort through the day’s events.

It’s nice to just get some time of my own to fantasize without the chance of being bothered by someone or distracted by something.

What I really like to do then is play around with what I’d tell a person given the opportunity to say absolutely anything.

Possibilities are deliciously interesting.

Hap-happy holidays.

I often feel as if I’m moving through jello.

Very thick, unpleasant jello.

No green, jiggly happiness here.

Hoho, it just hit me that jello is a happy food.

Anything that neat-looking and wiggly has to be happy.

Astrology and numerology and all that stuff cracks me up.

For some reason, I found it hilarious that this numerology deal told me I had no aptitude for seeing the big picture, yet that Myers-Briggs thing I was talking about said I have an innate perception or somesuch of the big picture.

I think I probably just needed a larf.

Not laugh—larf.

Not quite a laugh, the larf is the laugh’s second cousin (twice removed).

At least, that’s the way I’m using it.

Making movies is pretty fun.

I don’t know what’s the matter with the other people but they already seem really fed up.

Beats me why they’re not proud of their work, either.

Ah, well.

Boating. Floating. All the same.

Malls are horrible places.

You should’ve seen me.

Despite my frowning, pouting, and scowling, I could not escape.

Never again, I say, never again.

No school for two weeks.

I’m nearly fainting with the joy of it.

Not just because I don’t have to wake up when it’s still dark or bother with heading to classes and things…

Though, yes, that certainly is fabulous, but also…

Not having to deal with people.

I think I’m getting more anti-social.

I’m starting to feel like I don’t want anything more to do with anybody.

At school today, I was so annoyed that I nearly ripped out my hair.

Why?

People acting like jackasses.

Or, well, thinking like jackasses.

I must be insane because everyone else certainly thinks I am.

But screw that.

I was never much of a people person to begin with anyhow.

I went to the library and spent some quality time with the books and things today.

I love libraries.

They’re pretty quiet, nobody bothers you, and they’ve got some pretty excellent stuff there.

I have a friend who doesn’t read books.

She calls the library the most boring place ever.

She even makes fun of me for going to the library.

I mean, yeah, I guess that sounds dorky, but sheesh, I don’t say anything about the horribly, terribly, and incredibly dumb things she does.

If I don’t like it, I don’t say it to her.

But I guess what really gets me is that tone of superiority she has when she says some inane-ass thing like, "Oh, what am I supposed to do? Go to the library and read [like you]?"

I can’t stand the tone of her voice when she says it.

And it worries me that she doesn’t read—ignorance is a bad thing, if I’m not mistaken.

If I were a better person, or perhaps a braver one, I’d say something, but this friend, dear reader, is the same friend that I’m ready to drop as soon as my high school prison term ends.

This is simply more reason to give her the big "fuck you."